It’s getting to that time again when essays are piling up and deadlines are approaching, but you just can’t bring yourself to actually start any work. There seems to be a thousand better things to do, from hoovering your room for the first time this year to sobbing quietly into a pillow. If you’re reading this instead of being productive then you’ve started well. So why stop now? Here are some more tricks to ensure you get absolutely no work done today.
1. Lie
Firstly, the key to procrastinating is lying to yourself. Sit down at the desk fully intending to do some work, maybe even give yourself a motivational speech about how well you’re going to do.
2. Share it
But how are you going to get any work done if no one knows that you’re doing it? Open up Snapchat and take pictures of your suffering. Everyone needs to know how much work you have to get done.
Top Tip: Make sure you take photos from all angles and have a play around with the filters, just to make sure optimum time is wasted.
3. Check the world's not ended
While you wait for the floods of replies, go on social media to check the world hasn’t ended in the last five minutes. Making sure to visit each site at least ten times just in case you missed something.
Top tip: click a YouTube link about delicious food you’ll never actually cook and within minutes find yourself deep in the web of weird videos.
4. Coffee
All of this procrastination will be thirsty work and the best drink choice at this time would be coffee.
Top tip: try and overdose on as much caffeine as possible to make sure you’re unable to concentrate because your brain is running at 100mph.
5. Snack
Obviously, to go with your coffee you’ll need to have a snack because you haven’t eaten in at least five minutes; maybe just a share bag of Doritos or small roast dinner.
Top tip: make sure to pretend you’re only going to eat a few sweets, but actually consume the whole packet at once so you can immediately regret it.
6. Reflect
Now it’s time to take a minute to think about how little you’ve managed to achieve. This will make you start to feel a bit stressed due to the sheer amount of work you have to do in such a small amount of time.
Top tip: award yourself with a bit of stress relief anyway you choose.
7. Ignore
Avoiding work can be quite a tiresome task, if it all gets too much the best way to ignore all responsibilities is blissfully napping. It doesn’t matter what time of day it is, you deserve to sleep.
Top tip: max naptime 30mins, or you’ll wake up feeling worse than before as the realisation of uni stress hits you again.
8. Accept defeat
So now it’s time to accept defeat and pretend that you’re going to try again tomorrow, knowing full well you’ll be stuck in the same cycle of doing nothing.
Top tip: maybe next time get creative and find a procrastination partner, who is in an equally bad position.
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